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family tree

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Just said good bye to my kids!!

Well I have officially lost my shit! I have no control over my emotions what so ever. My husband had to bring my children
to my mother in laws alone b/c I just could not do it. I did not want my kids seeing me upset, I have shown them none of that. Just the thought of leaving them for a few days breaks my heart. I am a rational thinker as well. I know they will be fine, I know they are well cared for. But I am angry b/c this whole damn gene is keeping me from them, and from them for weeks.

I know in the end I will be happy and have relief. But right now rationalizing is a bit hard. My bags are packed, I had my nuclear med injection done today for the sentinel node biopsy. Which by the way I was freaking out with anxiety about. The thought of putting a small, sharp needle into my nipple or around it just did not settle with me. My MD gave me "EMLA" creme, which it did actually work, it numbed the area around the injection site and really just stung a bit. AHHHHHH! Big breath. I was so relieved, and also thought myself at that point to be crazy.

So I sit here alone in my bedroom on my computer allowing my brain to rummage through all the crazy thoughts I have. I just really want this day to come to an end, so this whole life changing journey can be behind me. I am ready to look back on it now. The journey has been exhausting for me.

I also wanted to let others know that I received a great basket to help me prepare and go through my mastectomy from
I have also received some great personal advice and support from a kind woman who organizes this company, Elizabeth. So thank you Elizabeth for all your support and check out the site.

Well wish me luck all! And thank you to all of you bloggers who have been there or floating around in the same boat. You have truly lifted me up and given me stregnth to go forward with this.

Luck to all....
My journey continues...


  1. I am lifting you up today, Kim, and praying for a safe, uneventful surgery. It will be such a relief to have it behind you and begin the healing process. I know you will feel such a sense of peace to let all that anxiety go and just move forward! Your new life will now begin...the next without the threat of BC hanging over your head.

    You are a strong and courageous woman!
    Hugs, Elizabeth

  2. Kim,

    Hoping your surgery went well and that you are on the mend. It is a tough one, but you did it for the right reasons.

    Take care,