family tree

family tree

Friday, January 8, 2010


Unraveling is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, "to disengage or separate the threads of : disentangle b : to cause to come apart by or as if by separating the threads of 2 : to resolve the intricacy, complexity, or obscurity of : clear up."

What am I talking about you ask? ! Well, it is how I feel! It takes one action, one event, one thought, one peice of information that can be the one thread that creates the ball to unravel. It just amazes me. I envision a large hand pulling a thick string, slowly pulling. As this hand is pulling, you start to see the excess string fall to the ground, and floating around the ball are moments, memories, events, situations, actions. They are just spewing out everywhere. It is like opening up Pandora's box!

Ever feel this way?

To explain further, I am the ball, and the news of a very close family friends worsening illness is the hand pulling the string. My thoughts and memories of her and her impact on my life and my families life has made me extremely sad and devastated my family. It is as if we are all reliving some of lifes most difficult and precious moments all over again. I suppose that is what the news of an impending death will do to most people. However, as you may or may not know, I lost my younger brother at the age of 18years old to brain cancer. It has been almost 14 years since he died. Which seems impossible to me. Anyway, this particular friend of our families played such an intricate part in my brother's life, as well as being there for my family after Erik died. She now is near death and her impending death is digging up alot of old memories and experiences that we all had together. I am also thinking alot about my brother and his life, and how the hell my parents buried their only son.

It is these unexpected moments in life that define you, and remind you how we must treasure the life we are given. My mother said to me the other day that, "it is us who are healthy and living that are the miracles in this world." And I get what she means! There is so much bad, illness, unknown around us, that we can only be so lucky to live through it all. To be able to say you made it through the day dodging and weaving all that comes your way, is quite a miracle. My mother's ability to fight breast cancer and come out a survivor is a miracle, my knowledge of being BRCA + is a miracle because I can now care for and do something to enhance and prolong my life.

Everyone in their lifetime will be dealt curveballs, it is about not getting hit by them! I like to think that I have learned something from every curve ball in my life. I've definetly been hit by a few as well, but it is these teaching moments that are so difficult sometimes to go through and experience.

I think of the BRCA gene as yet another curve ball in my life. With my sister and mother both being carriers is another curve ball in itself. I not only think of myself and my family, I worry about my sister and her future family and my mother and father. I guess we all worry about something. I also suppose it is in these moments in life that we come together and we bond and support. I know not in all cases or all families. I have seen first hand what tragedy and hardship have done to some families. I am so thankful and amazed that my family has stuck together. Now don't get me wrong, we do not always agree or go at the same pace with things, but we are always on the same page in the end.

So, what happens when the ball unravels? I guess you have to experience the pain, the grief, the emotions and hope that in the end you can smile and embrace the teaching moment.

Thanks for listening!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Kim - thank you so much for sharing this. I love your writing style, and the name of your blog is so clever. I'm so sorry that you've seen so much sadness in your life. I'm glad you have the chance to be pro-active in your life, and avoid the cancer path. I'm going to add you to my blogroll. :)