Excuse my BRCA vacation!

It has been a bit since I have written. I have been taking a bit of a BRCA vacation.
This is what amazes me about this "diagnosis" if you will! There are days, weeks, months when I feel like this gene has taken over my mind and body; I feel like I can not escape the thoughts, fears, questions, and decisions to be made. And then out of the blue I just stop thinking about it. I completely block it out, I run from the thoughts and I just block it out.

There are definitely certain moments in life that remind me of what is "really" going on. Like the time I was bathing my little 8 month old daughter and was laughing at little chubby cheeks that she has and looked at her little chubby boobies and thought about what she may be faced with 20 years from now. I just find the tears well in my eyes and I ask the ridiculous question why! It is a very surreal process to be told you are BRCA +.

So I guess I am starting to think about the choices I have to make about my health. I know I am going to have both surgeries. The question is when. I don't want to just put it off and try to strategically place it into my busy schedule and then have it be too late. I think that is one of my biggest concerns. I am 34, and I just worry that something is growing at this very moment, and I have already waited too long. This is however the most important decisions of my life at this moment. And it can not be made lightly. This is not just about changing myself physically, I know there is and will be an emotional piece as well. That is actually what I worry about most. That seems crazy to me sometimes, but I do believe I worry about my emotional self more. What if I can not get through the emotional loss of my parts. What if I hormonally go crazy? What if I no longer feel like a woman? I don't know, what if, what if, what if????

The only thing I am confident about in the choices I have to make, is that I have to make a choice and decide when!

I think I am back from my BRCA vacation!
Thanks for listening!