When US were exciting!!

I remember when ultra sounds brought on feelings of excitement, joy, and a sense of accomplishment in what you created! I would look over at the screen and see a little person moving around. I would wait impatiently for my appointments, and take every opportunity to have an US. I now am anxiously and mildly in panic mode waiting for my US results from yesterday to confirm whether I need a ooph . As I layed in the dark examination room yesterday all I could think of was where and when did this all go wrong? How did I get from there to here? I have done everything in my power to stay positive and focus on the day to day stuff. That is certainly becoming more difficult the more time you have to think. The what if's start running through my head and it takes me to a very sad and dark place. I have two awesome kids that need me in there lives and I do not want to cut that short or take any of that away from them. Whose to say it is not going to be me. Cancer does not discriminate! I'm not any different than the next person, and my risk is that much higher. I just pray that in the end of all this, everything is benign, and I can try and move on with my life. I'm so tired of the rollercoaster ride! Thanks for listening! Kim