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Sunday, August 15, 2010

Surgery was 18 days ago. I am doing well. I have gone the whole day today just taking ibuprofen. I had to take percocet tonight because I just get tight and sore, and my skin is sensitive. The percocet tends to take the edge off and it last a while. My underarms get really uncomfortable, that seems to be where the most discomfort actually is. I am getting to a point where a feel good, almost too good and try to push it a bit. I do light dishes, laundry, pick up a bit, I have even gone against docs orders and lifted my daughter. It is so hard not to do things around the house when I know my husband is doing everything, the kids are crazy, but I regret this later in the day. I get so fatigued it is draining. I can say I actually feel guilty sometimes and then I think WHAT, GUILTY!

So lets talk about the guilt women carry with them. I am speaking from a married woman's perspective, but I feel like most women are this way. I can say I have had moments of blaming myself for throwing a wrench in my families routines and life. Going through this surgery you need friends and family to help you! There is no way I could do it without them. I have had my parents and sister help, my in laws, and sister in law, my friends. My husband has taken his vacation to take care of me and the kids and the house. My surgery was scheduled with my husband and I knowing exactly what would be a good time for us and his time away from work. I feel bad for inconveniencing our life. That this is even something we have to deal with.

And then I take a look at myself in the mirror or feel the pulling or fatigue from surgery and think, hello I am the one who had my breasts removed, who is restricted from enjoying the rest of summer, from playing with my kids, laying on my side, sleeping through the night, why am I feeling guilty. I did this for them, for my life! What is wrong with my mind, with women, why do we carry these burdens.

I also feel like the more I do, the more I am expected to do. From myself and my husband. Now he is always telling me to stop lifting, and go rest, but the guilt makes me think he is getting frustrated with me, so I do it.

I know each day will get better and I need to continue using people for help, and I need to put the guilt in the closet. There is a reason I suppose my doctor said 8 week recovery.

Thanks for listening!
Kim

2 comments:

  1. Hey Kim. So glad you are on the other side of this. Several of us bloggers have touched on the issues of guilt lately. Must be the theme of the month. LOL. I recently did a post too.

    By now you must be feeling pretty good as you say. Each week is drastically better than the last. Try to remember that when you have a bad day. Those will still come and go too.

    You are a champion! Thanks so much for your blog.

    Rach

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  2. Hey Kim,

    It is hard, hard, hard to try to not do thing when you start to feel a bit better, especially with the guilt that everybody has to "do" for you. But please, please, please do try to take it one day at a time and keep the end goal in sight. You don't want to develop complications from doing too much. And I know I am as guilty as anybody of doing that. Post mastectomy on days when I didn't have help around the house I was guilty of doing many things I should not have.

    I am now 11 days post BSO/LAVH and am on the verge of doing it again. I had planned to have two full weeks to recuperate with my kids at camp and the older one got sent home yesterday because he is sick. Yesterday was my first day post-op with no fever and I know I should not over-do but that is hard when you have a sick kid to look after.

    Wishing you well on your recovery. Be gentle on yourself, physically and emotionally. Here are my post-surgery recovery blogs: http://positiveresultsthebook.blogspot.com/

    Joi

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